Then there was you Mamma. With this zeal for life, yet so aware that one day it will end. Did the ardor come from remembering that our time in this world is limited? That even though people won't care for us 100 years from now, do we really have to care about that? That our life needs to be defined for us, it needs to be meaningful for us, that everyone is different and what others want may not be something we want and that's ok... as long as you are not harming anyone in the process.
I miss the way you would live vicariously through me and celebrate my joys or success that no one else seems to care about. I miss the songs you would sing out of excitement, your beautiful smile that would light up my world. I also miss your obsessive worrying that annoyed me when you were around. Sometimes when I am alone in my apartment, I wish you would ask me every night if I locked all the locks on the door. When I walk by the ice cream aisle, I avert my gaze from the snickers ice cream that you so loved. It is the little things you enjoyed that constantly remind me of you. And it is those little things that I can't appreciate anymore... Please know that I am trying like you said I should.
"Mehak, what is the purpose of my life? Is it only to serve others? Maybe God has made some people in this world who do important things or live a happy and healthy life. Maybe He made people like me to serve those people."
I remember not knowing what to say. I remember asking God if He would give me a chance to change this perception. That I would spoil you with comforts and everything that you ever wished for.
I remember not knowing what to say. I remember asking God if He would give me a chance to change this perception. That I would spoil you with comforts and everything that you ever wished for.
I also remember my last trip home when I knew it would be goodbye. What could I get for you that you would like? There was nothing but my presence that I could bring to you. I made promises that I don't know how to keep.
Now that you have left, I want to tell you that you were 'the' life and all the joys in it. That you were home. That since you have gone, all we do is exist.
I hope you have crossed over to a beautiful world on the other side. Where there is no pain, no sorrows. Where you don't have to care for anyone else but yourself. Where the cool breeze plays with the gorgeous locks of your silky hair. I hope angels come to keep you company and that the tinkle of your laughter echoes through heaven. I hope you get to eat all your favorite things and that your footsteps light up the hallways of paradise. I hope that you will look for me when my time here comes to an end. I may not be worthy of paradise, but if you just come visit, I will feel like I am in one.
